What does Gaslighting mean

If someone purposefully twists the truth to make you doubt your own perceptions or emotions, you might be experiencing gaslighting. This manipulation can occur from various people in authority, such as a romantic partner, employer, family member, or even a doctor. If you’re facing gaslighting, there are definite actions you can take to confront the person causing it and seek assistance.

What Is Gaslighting?

Gaslighting, a form of psychological manipulation, revolves around instilling self-doubt. According to Paige Sweet, Ph.D., an assistant professor at the University of Michigan who studies gaslighting, it aims to associate someone with being ‘crazy.’ This tactic renders individuals feeling unstable, irrational, and lacking credibility, convincing them that their experiences aren’t real or that they’re fabricating them, further isolating them from belief or validation.

The dynamics of gaslighting encompass an uneven power dynamic between the abuser and their target. Exploiting stereotypes or vulnerabilities tied to gender, sexuality, race, nationality, or class often accompanies this manipulation.

Andrew D. Spear, an associate professor at Grand Valley State University, outlines a key aspect of gaslighting in his 2019 paper: the gaslighter’s objective isn’t solely controlling the victim but ensuring the victim internalizes and aligns with their perspective.

Why Is It Called Gaslighting?

The term “gaslighting” originates from the play “Gas Light” in 1938, later adapted into the 1940 film of the same name. This concept gained further recognition from the 1944 film “Gaslight,” starring Charles Boyer and Ingrid Bergman. Each of these works depicts a male protagonist who manipulates his wife into doubting her perceptions, making her believe that real occurrences, like the dimming of the house’s gas lights, are mere figments of her imagination, ultimately leading her to question her sanity.

Common Signs of Gaslighting

Gaslighting is inherently bewildering, explains Sweet. Its intent is to create confusion, making it challenging to recognize, especially when it comes from someone you trust and care about.

Here are some signs to be aware of:

• Feeling like you’re in the “Twilight Zone,” where situations seem surreal and disconnected from reality.
• Being labeled as crazy, irrational, or overly emotional. Sweet notes how this language, such as being called a ‘crazy bitch,’ is often part of gaslighting.
• Hearing that you’re exaggerating or fabricating things.
• Feeling disoriented and powerless after an interaction.
• Experiencing isolation as the gaslighter tries to cut you off from your support networks.
• Tone policing, where the gaslighter criticizes your tone when you challenge them, redirecting blame onto you.
• Oscillating between warmth and coldness in behavior, alternating between praise and verbal abuse to keep you off balance.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline highlights five gaslighting techniques:

• Withholding or feigning misunderstanding.
• Countering by questioning the victim’s memory.
• Blocking/diverting the subject or undermining the victim’s thoughts.
• Trivializing the victim’s needs or feelings.
• Forgetting/denying events or promises, pretending they never happened.

How Can Gaslighting Affect Your Mental Health?

Gaslighting is designed to induce uncertainty and self-doubt, often causing significant harm to a victim’s mental well-being. If you’re experiencing gaslighting, you might encounter:

• Anxiety
• Depression
• Disorientation
• Reduced self-esteem
• Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
• Heightened fear or hypervigilance
• Suicidal thoughts

If you’re a victim of gaslighting and grappling with any of these symptoms, consider seeking help from a mental health counselor or therapist. Professional support can assist you in navigating the trauma both during and after these challenging experiences.

Examples of Gaslighting

Here are examples of documented gaslighting gathered from extensive research and victim interviews. Gaslighting is a widespread issue, and these instances are just a glimpse. Even if these scenarios don’t exactly match your experience, if you resonate with the signs mentioned earlier, you could still be facing gaslighting.

According to Angelique M. Davis and Rose Ernst’s article on gaslighting in Politics, Groups, and Identities, a classic example involves a partner engaging in inappropriate or deceitful behavior and then convincing their significant other that their perceptions of it are false.

Sweet’s research, focused on heterosexual relationships, unveils various instances of everyday gaslighting:

• Ebony’s partner would take her money and blame her for being careless with finances, making her believe she had lost it herself.
• Adriana’s boyfriend would hide her phone, insisting she had misplaced it, aiming to confuse her and cut off her communication with others.
• Jenn’s ex-boyfriend was a ‘chameleon,’ weaving small lies like changing the color of the shirt he wore the day before to leave her feeling disoriented.
• Emily’s ex-husband would take her keys to prevent her from leaving the house and then deny their disappearance, insisting she had lost them again.

Gaslighting in Romantic Relationships

Gaslighting is prevalent in romantic relationships where the gaslighter holds a position of power. Studies reveal it’s most common in heterosexual relationships, with men frequently gaslighting women.

This manipulation often accompanies domestic violence. A survey by the National Domestic Violence Hotline found that 74% of adult female victims of domestic violence experienced gaslighting from their current or former partners.

Male abusers often exploit gender stereotypes, equating masculinity with reason and femininity with irrationality and heightened emotions. According to Sweet, these stereotypes persist in intimate relationships, despite societal shifts.

Gaslighting targets a woman’s appearance and sexuality. In Sweet’s interviews with 43 women in Chicago who experienced domestic violence and gaslighting:

• Margaret’s husband convinced her that attention from dressing up attracted unwanted advances, leading her to alter her appearance drastically to avoid his suspicions.
• Carla’s husband falsely accused her of infidelity with men in their neighborhood, shaming her for using birth control and coercing its removal. His manipulation restricted Carla’s movements, causing her to isolate herself out of fear of his fabrications.

Gaslighting and Gender

Gender-based gaslighting occurs beyond intimate relationships. Instances include:

• Gaslighting in Medicine: Some women are gaslit by doctors who dismiss their legitimate health concerns using stereotypes, making female patients doubt their symptoms’ validity.
• Public or Collective Gaslighting: Women often face public gaslighting when statements by public figures or shared widely on social media lead them collectively to doubt themselves.
• Gaslighting of Transgender Individuals: Gaslighters might convince transgender individuals of having mental health issues or subtly manipulate a transgender child’s clothing choices to instigate doubt about their identity.
• Gaslighting in the Legal System: Police, judges, or juries can unintentionally participate in gender-based gaslighting by allowing stereotypes to influence their decisions, affecting cases like child custody or sexual assault, where women, especially Black women, may face disbelief and aggression.

Cynthia A. Stark, Ph.D., in her paper “Gaslighting, Misogyny, and Psychological Oppression,” highlights instances such as media sympathizing with perpetrators of sexual assault, which can induce doubt in women about the seriousness of the situation and further undermine their perceptions.

Gaslighting and Race

In their paper on “Racial Gaslighting,” Davis and Ernst define it as a process perpetuating a white supremacist reality by pathologizing resistance, encompassing political, social, economic, and cultural facets. This phenomenon has a deep-rooted history in the U.S. and continues today.

An example of racial gaslighting occurred during WWII when the U.S. government used euphemistic language to describe the forced removal of Japanese-American citizens. Refusing to label the camps as “concentration camps,” a 1944 Supreme Court decision termed them “assembly and relocation centers,” downplaying the severity of the situation.

More recently, the All Lives Matter movement has been cited as a form of racial gaslighting. According to Davis and Ernst, this movement masks the prioritization of white lives and disregards the history of brutality against Black individuals.

In predominantly white workplaces, racial gaslighting takes shape through colleagues doubting or denying the negative experiences of women of color. Researchers Rodrigues, Mendenhall, and Clancy observed this phenomenon among women of color working as scientists, highlighting how diversity initiatives often prioritize a façade of inclusivity while dismissing genuine issues faced by marginalized individuals. This approach effectively denies the lived experiences of these groups while insisting that the environment is welcoming and inclusive.

Gaslighting in the Workplace

Gaslighting at work isn’t limited to racial dynamics. When someone in power causes you to doubt yourself, impacting your career or confidence, you might be facing gaslighting.

If you report workplace misconduct, you might encounter what’s termed “whistleblower gaslighting.” According to registered nurse Kathy Ahern, Ph.D., in The Journal of Perinatal & Neonatal Nursing, this manipulation involves the whistleblower doubting their perceptions and competence due to a superior, whom they trusted to address the issue, dismissing it as normal interactions, labeling the whistleblower as irrational.

In particular, employees filing sexual harassment claims are often subjected to gaslighting. Both perpetrators and management commonly deny any wrongdoing, leading the victim to question their own recollection and version of events, as highlighted by Sweet.

Gaslighting in Politics

Gaslighting extends its impact even into political polls. It’s not rare for politicians or political groups to employ gaslighting tactics, manipulating information to sway public discourse and gather support or opposition for specific viewpoints.

According to communications expert Farah Latif from George Washington University, in the book series “President Trump’s First Term: The Year in C-SPAN Archives Research, Volume 5,” this strategy involves using misleading information to destabilize and disorient public opinion on political matters.

Latif further explains that when gaslighting becomes partisan, politicians use messaging power to construct false narratives. They aim to challenge constituents’ perception of reality if they support an opposing viewpoint or question the narrative presented by the politician.

How to Deal With Gaslighting

Spread the Word

Sweet emphasizes the importance of sharing your experience widely. Rather than confiding in just one person, inform multiple individuals within your social circle. This network can provide support and validate your reality, reinforcing that any mistreatment isn’t your fault, as noted by Rodrigues, Mendenhall, and Clancy.

Stay Connected

Maintaining contact with friends and family, even if gaslighting isn’t explicitly discussed, is crucial. Isolation makes you more vulnerable to self-doubt—a tactic often exploited by gaslighters. By staying in touch, you can better recognize manipulative behavior that aims to isolate you, as recounted by a victim to Sweet.

Document Your Experience

Keeping a journal can help regain a sense of control if gaslighting has eroded your self-esteem and caused confusion. Organizations like My CWA suggest this method to validate your memories against the narrative imposed by the abuser.

Seek Support

Contacting organizations like the National Domestic Violence Hotline or National Sexual Assault Hotline can offer valuable assistance. These hotlines, available 24/7 and reachable at 800-799-SAFE and 800-656-4673 respectively, specialize in handling psychological manipulation and provide support through chats online as well, as highlighted by Sweet.